Happy New Year readers! Thanks for following me over the past year. Really appreciate your reads and comments. Here’s my list of what will be in and out in 2016!

OUT: Meeting men in gay clubs

IN: Meeting men at gay book clubs.

OUT: Hookups

IN: Dating

OUT: Twinks

IN: Otters

OUT: Seducing Straight Men

IN: Seducing Straight Couples

OUT: Marriage between two men

IN: Triad Marriages

OUT: Boxer Shorts

IN: Going Commando

OUT: Beards

IN: Moustaches

OUT: Throwing Shade

IN: Throwing Love and Positivity

OUT: Indoor Missionary Sex

IN: Outdoor Cowgirl Sex

OUT: Folsom Street Fair

IN: Southern Decadence

OUT: Muscles

IN: Intelligence

OUT: Bitch Better Have My Money

IN: Hotline Bling

OUT: Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable

IN: James Evans

OUT: Empire

IN: Power

OUT: Colin Kaepernick

IN: Odell Beckham

OUT: RuPaul

IN: Rayceen Pendarvis

OUT: Idris Elba

IN: Idris Elba

Q: Readers, what are your ins and outs for 2016?

My old buddy “Rex” invited “Van” and me to a small after-holiday party last Friday night in D.C.

It was a great party. Good food. Good drinks. And a great group of handsome black men.

And all the apple and cranberry martinis loosened us up and “Dell,” one of the guests, told this story of how his uncle turned him out when he was just 16 years old:

Dell was the oldest of his cousins and was in charge of babysitting his aunt’s children all day during the summer  while she worked.

He would make the children breakfast in the morning and send them off to the neighborhood pool, where they splashed in the water all day.

And Dell would stay home all day in the cool basement, watching “All My Children,” “As the World Turns,” and the other soaps.

But Dell was not alone. “Paul,” his uncle by marriage, worked at night and would come home every morning, shower and sleep all day.

He was tall, dark skinned and had a chiseled body. Dell, a slightly effeminate child, couldn’t help stealing glances at him.

One morning Uncle Paul took a shower and walked past Dell as he watched TV. The towel slipped off. And Dell caught a look out of the corner of his eye at his naked uncle and his big dick in all their glory.

He turned his head quickly but Uncle Paul saw him.

“You liked what you saw,” he said quietly.

Dell was silent and tried to act like he didn’t hear the question. But Uncle Paul repeated it more loudly the second time.

“No,” Dell answered, shaking his head. He thought his uncle would tease him or tell the other relatives his nephew was a sissy.

His answer surprised Dell.

“It’s okay, you can look if you want.”

And Dell turned and looked.

And that’s how it started. The two of them alone in the cool, dark house while his aunt was at work and the younger cousins played at the pool.

First Uncle Paul let him play with his dick. Then kiss it. Then he taught him how to suck it.

Before long Dell graduated to more advanced lessons.

Uncle Paul got the Vaseline one day and lubed up Dell’s tight teen asshole with it and slicked it on his long dick till it glistened. And he starting fucking Dell.

“He would do it gently and would lick and play with my nipples to relax me so I could take that big dick,”  Dell recalled.

No one ever found out their secret. And the liason continued. They would get naked and lay in bed together all day watching TV like lovers.

Eventually Uncle Paul divorced Dell’s aunt but it wasn’t because she found out he played with men.

Dell is middle aged now and I don’t remember whether he kept it contact with Uncle Paul. But he did say his uncle died just a few years ago.

Q: Readers was your first sexual experience with a relative?

My buddy “Elliott” in Delaware is friends with a down-low Church of God in Christ minister.

This minister attended the COGIC Convocation in St. Louis in September.

I have heard a lot of sex between DL church members takes place at these gatherings. In fact I know some married DL ministers who love going to them for that very reason .

Well Elliott’s minister buddy hooked up with an Elder at the convocation and banged his back out and sent Elliott the photos to prove it.

Hot pics but wow – men of God having raw sex and possibly going back home to wives? Makes you wonder.

The Elder

Another fuck shot

The Minister shows off his ass.

Van and I wish you Happy Holidays! Been mad busy lately at the office  and having work done on the house so haven’t had much time to write.  But miss you guys and hope to crank up soon!

If I was a female I would be my buddy “Anitra.”

We are both Geminis and free spirits who can talk nonstop about the latest trends, new events and politics.

A divorced mother of a teenager she is the only woman I know who goes online to meet and hook up with men. Her ex husband was Nigerian and treated her wrong so now she deals with white men exclusively, and believe me she pulls them.

She is an ample black Venus, with wide hips, bountiful cleavage, dimples and delicious-looking lips that always seemed to be smiling mischievously.

I have known Anitra for almost 20 years – we used to work together and I still do freelance gigs for her. She knew me way back when I was married. In fact I have to admit I confided in her alot and felt closer to her than my ex-wife.

But in all this time, despite the fact we talk and text every week I have never told her I am now into men.

Last Saturday she visited out of the blue to see some renovation work I am doing on the house. “Van” lives with me now so he opened the door because I was taking a nap.

I have hung out with Anitra and Van before but always just introduced him as my friend. We would have fun and she never questioned our relationship further.

On Saturday we stood in the kitchen gabbing. Then we finished a bottle of white wine I had in the fridge.

Van went away to another room but I invited him to join us and we busted open a bottle of red wine and polished that off.

“Shit it’s the holidays let’s have fun,” I said.

Anitra loves weed and buys it from a guy I know in Baltimore named “Izzy,” who is also gay but hood as shit. She had texted him and he dropped by to sell her a bag.

“Shit let’s light up,” I said. “Izzy can I buy a joint from you?”

Izzy ran back to his car and got a joint. And we all smoked and drank wine and GOT. FUCKED. UP. I swear I was so high the world looked slanted.

Then we got the munchies and attacked my snack food.

Eventually Anitra had to leave. She was getting her hair braided the next day and had to take out the old braids, a time-consuming task that would be more difficult now that she was high.

We walked to the front door.

“Say goodbye to your friend for me,” Anitra said.

Maybe it was the wine or the weed. My head was swimming so I blurted out without thinking, “You will see a lot of him.”

Anitra looked me deep in the eyes with a look as mischievous as her grin.

“Are y’all lovers?”

Pause.

“Yes.”

“I thought so. Van is so cute. I tried to flirt with him myself.”

Anitra and I talk about everything from prose and poetry to the proper way to eat pussy.

But I was afraid to confess my sexuality to her because I knew she attended a conservative Baptist congregation where gayness was considered a sin.

I didn’t want to to lose one of my best friends, not to mention a source of additional income from freelance work. So I had been a coward, staying silent about my love life while she prattled on about hers.

Now I realized I worried over nothing.

She pulled me close and gave me a big hug.

“I don’t care what you are. I love you. Live your life boy.”

“Besides I have thought you were gay for seven years now.”

Wow, that was around the time I separated from my wife.

Later I talked to Van who had overheard parts of the conversation.

“See,” he said. “People who think they are down-low and fooling people about not being gay really aren’t fooling anybody.”

I have to admit he is right.

I’m on vacation and yesterday “Van” and I went to lunch with friends on Baltimore’ Federal Hill.

During the meal I mentioned the story I had heard of a bottom who went to a sex party in the city, got some outrageously good dick from a handsome top, and clung to him half the night.

When the top decided to fuck another bottom the first bottom got angry and wanted to fight the new guy. The fracas broke up the party, which was in a hotel room, and I think hosts had to ask the dick-struck bottom to leave.

One of our buddies “Conrad,” who is a strict bottom, said he could relate. It seems for many bottoms getting good dick is hard to find and when you find it they want to hold on to it, he said.

Complicating matters is that there is a double standard in the gay world that mirrors a similar one in the heterosexual one.

A top can fuck as many men as he wants but bottoms who snag alot of dick get a reputation for being loose hoes and used up, Conrad said.

And forget about trying to forge a relationship,  which is already difficult in the gay world.

Conrad told the story of a handsome guy he hooked up with who had an 11- or 12-inch dick.

The sex was good and Conrad later texted the guy saying he just wanted to hang out. He really liked the guy’s personality.

He got a chilly response. “I only hang out weekends at the bars or clubs,” the top said.

Conrad later learned the guy gets so many hits from bottoms craving his big dick he just hits and leaves them and has no interest in developing anything deeper.

For this top the world is his oyster. Bottoms can’t even get a fish stick.

“Well I’m verse. Why don’t you try doing that more to get more play,” Van suggested.

Conrad just looked at  Van funny. “I’m a total bottom. I like what I like.”

My old buddy “Rex” invited “Van” and me to a small after-holiday party last Friday night in D.C.

It was a great party. Good food. Good drinks. And a great group of handsome black men.

And all the apple and cranberry martinis loosened us up and “Dell,” one of the guests, told this story of how his uncle turned him out when he was just 16 years old:

Dell was the oldest of his cousins and was in charge of babysitting his aunt’s children all day during the summer  while she worked.

He would make the children breakfast in the morning and send them off to the neighborhood pool, where they splashed in the water all day.

And Dell would stay home all day in the cool basement, watching “All My Children,” “As the World Turns,” and the other soaps.

But Dell was not alone. “Paul,” his uncle by marriage, worked at night and would come home every morning, shower and sleep all day.

He was tall, dark skinned and had a chiseled body. Dell, a slightly effeminate child, couldn’t help stealing glances at him.

One morning Uncle Paul took a shower and walked past Dell as he watched TV. The towel slipped off. And Dell caught a look out of the corner of his eye at his naked uncle and his big dick in all their glory.

He turned his head quickly but Uncle Paul saw him.

“You liked what you saw,” he said quietly.

Dell was silent and tried to act like he didn’t hear the question. But Uncle Paul repeated it more loudly the second time.

“No,” Dell answered, shaking his head. He thought his uncle would tease him or tell the other relatives his nephew was a sissy.

His answer surprised Dell.

“It’s okay, you can look if you want.”

And Dell turned and looked.

And that’s how it started. The two of them alone in the cool, dark house while his aunt was at work and the younger cousins played at the pool.

First Uncle Paul let him play with his dick. Then kiss it. Then he taught him how to suck it.

Before long Dell graduated to more advanced lessons.

Uncle Paul got the Vaseline one day and lubed up Dell’s tight teen asshole with it and slicked it on his long dick till it glistened. And he starting fucking Dell.

“He would do it gently and would lick and play with my nipples to relax me so I could take that big dick,”  Dell recalled.

No one ever found out their secret. And the liason continued. They would get naked and lay in bed together all day watching TV like lovers.

Eventually Uncle Paul divorced Dell’s aunt but it wasn’t because she found out he played with men.

Dell is middle aged now and I don’t remember whether he kept it contact with Uncle Paul. But he did say his uncle died just a few years ago.

Q: Readers was your first sexual experience with a relative?

This guy reminds me of Barry. Photo courtesy of aumag.org.

My buddy “Barry” and I were instant messaging on Facebook Saturday night. It was a depressing exchange.

Barry is middle-aged and lives alone. I have invited him to events but he has always declined, probably because it is a brick for him to come all the way up to Baltimore from northern Virginia.

“I seriously doubt that I will ever again be completely happy, but I am content,” he texted.

His comment was understandable. Barry has been through some shit in the past three years.

Barry was partnered with a white military officer who had left his wife and children when he realized he wanted to stop faking the straight life and express his gay sexuality.

Barry and “Winston” got along famously for years– they lived in a high-rise luxury apartment building with a view of the Washington, D.C. skyline, had season tickets to the Redskins, and enjoyed having swinging parties with a small group of friends.

But all that ended with Winston died by suicide.

Trust me, when and or if you get to be my age and you’re all alone, no family or friends, your perspective may very well change.

Winston’s family had never accepted his gayness or the fact he was living with Barry, so they were not supportive. Winston had to fight to get an insurance settlement.

Still, Barry could not afford the lifestyle he used to have with Winston. So he gave up the luxury apartment with a doorman and penthouse recreation room and moved to a modest garden apartment.

Compounding the issue is that Barry was also married and had children, who rejected him when he came out as gay. So losing Winston was probably like losing all his family in one fell swoop.

When I visited Barry I noticed he drank Scotch constantly and chain smoked. The stale smell of cigarette permeated his apartment. The bags under his eyes were heavier, leaving him looking tired.

“But who knows I could have another soulmate out there so I don’t give up hope,” he texted me Saturday night.

That comment bothered me.Prince Charming only exists in fairy tales.

I told Barry that no one is truly your soulmate. No relationship is perfect. There are things about my partner “Van” I don’t like and Lord knows there are even more things about me that drive him crazy. However, you have to find a happy medium.

And I think,  although he didn’t want to admit it, that Barry missed the lifestyle that Winston was able to provide. I know for a fact Barry worked jobs that didn’t earn near as much as a military officer.

When I told Barry that I didn’t think soulmates exist he scoffed at me.

“What a crock LOL,” he texted. “You obviously have not met your soulmate as most don’t.”

“Trust me, when and or if you get to be my age and you’re all alone, no family or friends, your perspective may very well change.”

His comments were depressing but I refused to let them get me down. I also tried to keep in mind Barry is still mourning Winston and always will. Sometimes it takes years to reconstruct your life after someone close dies.

Still, I tend to be optimistic. Shoot, read my blog. I have come so far in the past five years. I have been truly blessed. And Van is a great, supportive guy.

And I believe in keeping engaged. I volunteer, am active in church, try to keep up with friends, and endeavor to eat healthy and exercise. My mother was a widow and she told me getting counseling and getting active is a way to learn to live with grief.

So I decided not to argue with Barry. I really had not walked in his shoes so I couldn’t judge.

“We will see, the future is unknown,” I texted.

“True, but easily anticipated,” Barry answered.

Q: Readers, what do you think? Do you think as you age as a gay man you will end up alone and lonesome?

Photo courtesy of rawstory.com.

My doctor is this cutie from Ethiopia with sparkling brown eyes and smooth café au lait skin.

She knows I am a sexually active gay man so makes sure I get all the proper tests several times a year to check my health.

And she urges me to use condoms for everything — even oral sex.

So with all this knowledge and testing going on I asked her why are so many men in the gay community having raw sex and not really seeming to care about their health?

Dr. Mesfin was silent for a moment. And then she said, “When it comes to sex it’s like people lose their minds. When they get caught up in sex they just do things they wouldn’t normally do.”

“I’ve been a doctor for awhile and thought about this and it’s the only explanation I can give.”

She said after the Mid Atlantic Leather Conference (MAL) in Washington, D.C. over Martin Luther King holiday weekend her office was mobbed with gay men with gonorrhea and syphilis.

The same thing occurs after Pride weekends, too, she said.

One of the main attractions of MAL is a sex party that takes up the whole hotel building where it is held. I haven’t attended but I hear some men just leave their hotel room doors open, lay in the bed with their asses in the air, and let anybody run up in them with a condom or not.

Dr. Mesfin said folks who walk in her office come from all races, sexes and walks of life. Because when folks get horny it doesn’t matter how much money they make or how educated they are — they will do risky shit, she said.

She told me the  story of a 64-year-old white woman who visited her. The woman was unattractive, in fact downright dumpy. She could have been someone’s grandmother.

But test results showed she had just about every sexually transmitted disease in the book.

“Well, when I sat down and talked with her I was quite surprised,” my doctor said. “She is a swinger who goes to sex parties all the time and has sex with multiple men and women.”

“By the way she looked I just couldn’t believe it,” said Dr. Mesfin, adding that all the doctors and nurses were gossiping about the woman’s test results around the water cooler.

So you see, when it comes to sex, you really can’t judge  a book by its cover.

Sometimes I see profile pics on hookup sites and wonder what folks were thinking.

So I am going to post them from time to time.

The first is from this guy who obviously thought this was sexy. And is that a thong?

Photo courtesy of msefoundation.org.

Many people think women are the only ones who lose their heads when they fall in love with a man and do stupid things to keep them.

Wrong. Some men who love other men do the same things. Love does not discriminate.

Here is a true account to prove the point.

An acquaintance named “Xavier” fell in love with a man 10 years his junior named “Shawn.” They dated and decided to set up house.

Xavier, who was around 40, put his all into the relationship. He had grown up in southern Virginia with his mother and father and a dozen siblings and wanted to duplicate that close familial bond.

Although he earned less than Shawn Xavier had stellar credit. So he used his credit to buy a house with Shawn, a rental property, and a new Escalade for his boo.

And he paid some of Shawn’s student loan bills too.

But in less than three years Shawn started acting funny. He constantly accused Xavier of cheating on him, even timing how long it took Xavier to get home from his night job.

“I know you giving that big, red dick to somebody else,” Shawn accused him. “I know you say you are working at night but you ain’t.”

It got so bad that one day Xavier took the car to the carwash but Shawn didn’t believe him. He showed up the carwash.

“I just wanted to make sure your cheating ass was here,” Shawn said.

But ain’t this a bitch. It was Shawn who was cheating. Giving up ass to every Tom, Dick and Harry. Xavier found out through friends and Shawn promised to stop. But he wouldn’t so they separated then got back together then separated for good.

Xavier moved into the rental property and Shawn took over the house because he earned $30,000 more. But Shawn soon fell behind on mortgage payments and Xavier had to force him to sell it.

Xavier was left with $60,000 in debt, which seven years after the breakup he has just finished paying off. He has hardly any furniture in his house, not even a living room sofa. His 100-year-old rowhouse needs a ton of work.

“My money is just coming back,” he says.

Lately Shawn and Xavier have rekindled their friendship. Xavier says he is no longer in love with him but something in his bittersweet expression when he talks about Shawn shows the feeling is still there.

A few weeks ago Shawn visited and sat on Xavier’s front step and they talked. It was unseasonably warm in Baltimore for a late winter day.

Xavier said it was the first time Shawn owned up to what he did and really apologized.

“I really fucked up,” Shawn admitted. “I’m going to live to regret what I did.”

Q: Readers, has a lover taken advantage of you? How did you recover?

These look like the youth that hang on some corners of my neighborhood. Despite the masculine bravado I am surprised some of them play with other men. Photo courtesy of dailymail.co.uk.

My neighborhood in Baltimore sits right by the water near the football and baseball stadiums and casino and is targeted for growth. A billionaire developer has already bought up a large chunk of it.

But it’s still sketchy in places. Young men sell drugs on some corners while neighbors turn a blind eye.

One of these young men flirts with my partner “Van” and me constantly. He hangs with the drug crew and I know he just served several months in juvenile jail.

He is tall and gangly.  Light-skinned with sandy, kinky hair.

When he sees Van or me he will pull down his already sagging pants even further and even his drawers, showing much of his ass. He will do this even with friends nearby.

Early Saturday Van and I were driving up the street and came to a stop sign. He was standing there. I was in the passenger seat. He looked me straight in the eye and put his hands down his pants and rubbed his dick.

I think he even licked his thin lips.

I averted my gaze and tried to act like I had no reaction at all.

“Did you see that motherfucker?,” I said after Van turned the car around the corner.

“Yeah, just ignore it he does that with me,” Van said. “If you acknowledge it, it will get worse. He is just trying to get attention.”

“They aren’t on Jack’d and they aren’t on Adam4Adam,” Ray said. “They are really down-low.”

I have to admit the boy is cute. And that red bubble butt perched on top of those long legs looks tempting.

Under other circumstances I would invite him in the house and Van and I would fuck the shit out of him. But it’s not good to play in your neighborhood.

He could be setting us up so he can get in our house and steal. He could really be gay and looking for sex. Or knowing that we are a gay couple he could be homophobic and taunting us although showing your ass and rubbing your penis is a funny way to harass two gay men.

Finally, he could be merely hustling. I know gay men who pay these boys on the corners in Baltimore for dick or ass. With jobs scarce in the hood it seems some are “gay-for-pay.” That line of work certainly beats risking your life or serving jail time by selling drugs on the corner.

“Ray,” the “Thug Up the Block” in an earlier blog post, visited Van and I Saturday night. His house caught fire but insurance is rebuilding it and he wanted to update us on his progress.

We told him about the young boy and he wasn’t surprised. He has fucked around with several neighborhood men.

“They aren’t on Jack’d and they aren’t on Adam4Adam,” he said. “They are really down-low.”

He talked about one neighbor around the corner who sucked his dick like a pro and then would go out and hang out like any homie on the corner.

“You would never know that nigga loves dick,” Ray said.

Ray works nights and was sitting on his porch at 3 a.m. when a man who lives on the next street over came by walking his dog. The man made eye contact with Ray and held it and then looked back at him as he walked down the street.

Ray stood up on his brick porch steps and said, “So wassup?”

Yep, Ray got some ass that night. The dude didn’t even bother to take his dog home.

Ray fucked another guy around here who was barely out of his teens but had to break it off because the boy kept knocking on his door at all hours, making the fact Ray is gay too obvious to the neighbors.

Van and I have a “straight” neighbor three houses up who is very friendly. A handsome brown-skinned older gentleman with curly gray hair who has a cute younger girlfriend.

When Van and I had a sex party he noticed all the men entering at night. I said Van and I were having a card party.

“You have to invite me next time,” he said.

Ray told me the real deal. This neighbor likes to suck dick and was surprised by another neighbor giving a man head in his car.

“If you asked him to your sex party I bet he would suck every dick in the house,” Ray said.

Q: Readers should I follow Van’s advice and keep ignoring him or confront him?

Ellen Page and Ian Daniel, hosts of Gaycation. Photo courtesy of the Vice Channel.

You don’t realize how lucky you are to be an LGBTQ person living in the United States until you watch “Gaycation,” a new travel show on the Viceland Channel.

Every Wednesday at 10 p.m. Eastern newly out actress Ellen Page and her friend, art curator Ian Daniel, check out LGBTQ life in different nations. So far, they have visited Japan, Jamaica and Brazil.

At first I thought this was a breezy travel show visiting gay hot spots around the world. But this program has a serious side and packs and enormous emotional punch. Watching it is truly sobering.

For instance in Japan there is no religious culture that overtly condemns people who are LGBTQ. However, despite having bustling gay districts in places such as Tokyo, being gay is still considered abnormal. And Japan’s conformist, conservative culture discourages open conversation about sexuality.

Ellen and Ian interviewed a gay man who had entered into a marriage of convenience with a lesbian so he could save face with his family. Sadly, he said even if gay marriage becomes legal in Japan he will never come out of the closet.

Ellen Page talks with gay homeless youth in Jamaica forced out of a lot where they squatted. People driving by in cars  pelted them with rocks and stabbed one man. The men said their only hope of living a fulfilling life was to leave Jamaica.

In another scene in Japan a man hired a person to pretend to be his friend so he could muster the courage to admit to his mother, who had raised him alone, that he was gay. When his mother burst in tears and ran from the room it was heartbreaking to watch.

In Brazil gay marriage is legal and Brazilians celebrate gay culture during carnival. But Brazil is still deeply machismo and homophobic and the South American nation has one of the highest murder rates of people who are LGBTQ.

One of the most affecting scenes in Brazil was when Ellen and Ian talked to the mother and lover of a man murdered simply because he was gay. Despite acting as an objective journalist Ellen burst out crying as she embraced the grieving mother and lover.

And the most chilling scene was when Ian and Ellen interviewed a masked, former policeman who murdered people simply because they are gay. This  man was angry because he came home and discovered his son in bed with another man.

He accused his son of deceiving him and decided to take out his rage on other gay people. Fortunately his son ran way from home to escape his father’s wrath.

In Jamaica being gay is a class-based thing. If you are middle or upper class you can get away with it. But in poorer  neighborhoods gay men and lesbians, especially those who are too feminine or butch to hide their sexuality, risk beatings, “corrective” rapes, torture and death.

Yet in Jamaica, despite its reputation as one of the most homophobic countries on the planet, there was a glimmer of hope.

At the end of the episode a small group of brave lesbians and gay men held the country’s first Pride gathering. They went through with the event, dancing in a public square, even though they risked beatings or even death.

Despite lingering hate in the United States we take for granted the rights we have here as people who are LGBTQ. After watching Gaycation I will never take these rights for granted again.

Aarin Driver during his porn days. Photo courtesy of terrhot.blogspot.com.

Former porn actor Aarin Driver didn’t go into the adult film industry to make money. Growing up he loved watching gay porn so having sex on camera was a way to fulfill a fantasy and just have fun.

“There was always a serious plan,” said Driver, 36, who was attending college and got a bachelors degree in English Arts while doing two films and scenes for DawgPound USA and PapiThugz. “It was in and out.”

That was why it was easy to walk away from the camera. Now the Phoenix, Arizona native lives in small-town York, Pa., works in the financial aid office at a college, and is planning to return to college to finish his master’s degree in education administration or counseling.

He moved to Pennsylvania from Chicago to be with his partner, a man 10 years his senior who he originally met a year out of high school.

Today, a decade after first doing porn, Driver is busy helping students secure the money they need to get an education and in the kitchen experimenting with exotic food recipes. He loves the rural Pennsylvanian lifestyle.

When he feels a yearning for the big city he is an hour or so drive from Baltimore, Washington, D.C. or Philadelphia.

He says he is content, very much in love and even contemplating marriage.

“I never thought about marriage until I got with the dude I’m with now,” said Driver, a fast talker with a deep, masculine voice.

Buddy System Porn

Driver grew up in a conservative, extremely religious family. He is the oldest of three boys.

His parents divorced and his mother remarried a man Driver said fit the stereotype of the evil stepfather. Driver’s birth father, who was black, died while he was in high school. He is proud to say he was able to comfort his sick father and hold his hand while he passed away.

Driver never discussed being gay with his family and today has a familial relationship with only one of his brothers. Gay porn was an outlet — a way to come to term with his sexuality. In fact,  Driver said he learned a lot about being gay from watching it.

Aarin Driver and friend Ian Rock entered porn together. Photo courtesy of terhott.blogspot.com.

Years later, when he moved to Chicago, Driver and friend Ian Rock were at a leather convention and met a director who worked with celebrated gay porn producer and drag queen performer Chi Chi LaRue.

The director liked them and Driver and Rock decided to enter the porn industry together,  make a little money or  even launch their own business.  In fact, they shot a scene together that many consider one of the hottest in gay porn. Their chemistry was so intense many fans and gay porn news outlets and bloggers assumed they were lovers.

Driver shot those rumors down. He said he and Rock were just roommates and fuck buddies. There was never a serious relationship although they still keep in touch.

Driver said for him doing porn was enjoyable. He is a natural exhibitionist and it was exciting having sex with such hot men. However, porn has a dark side — drug abuse occurs and the list of porn actors who commit suicide is long. And the industry can exploit actors, Driver said.

Although he indulged in some of the fast side of porn life Driver didn’t let it overwhelm him or keep him from his ultimate goal of a career in education.

Do porn because you love sex, not $$$

Today, he advises people who want to do porn to do it because they love sex and not because of the money. And if you worry doing porn will hinder your future career prospects don’t even think about it.

That is because once your sex acts are digitally recorded and on the Web they are out there forever, easily downloaded on anyone’s cellphone, tablet or laptop.

For the most part his straight friends and coworkers have no idea he did porn. Only gay people recognize him as that hot, slender guy with dreads who could give dick as good as he took it.

“It only really happens when I’m in that (gay) population, like at Blatino Oasis or a gay club,” he said.

But Driver has no regrets. He had a blast doing porn.

“I was young and tender and wanted to get out and continue to live my regular day life,” he said.

More about Aarin Driver:

Favorite Food: Pizza

Favorite Book: “The Color of Water; A Black Man’s Tribute to his White Mother” by James McBride

Favorite Films: “Freeway” starring Reese Witherspoon and “Snatch” from director Guy Ritchie

What may surprise you about him: He’s a serious Trekkie

Roy can be found on XTube as RoyInSF.

 

Roy’s tool.

Then Roy decided to develop his own brand by putting short clips of himself masturbating and having sex with various partners on XTube.

A photo of Roy by photographer Duane Cramer (www.duanecramer.com).

“It’s really basic and it’s really real,” he said, explaining his beliefs. “God created us in his/her/their own image with our sexuality by purpose and design.”

UPDATE: Roy is now 55 and continues to practice law. He hopes to retire from the profession. He has pretty much retired from filming studio porn. His last scene was shot last fall and will be released soon.

1. How big is your dick? (Oh no, another Size Queen!)
2. Do you live alone? (What are you trying to get me alone so you can rob or murder me?)
3. What are you into? (My profile says top dumbass.)
4. Open your pics! (Open yours first rude motherfucker!)
5. Come over now and fuck me! (I’m not Domino’s. I don’t deliver dick on demand.)

Remember the down-low guy I wrote about who is always flirting with us?

He was on the corner today and I snapped this pic:

The new profile pic.

Be honest. Many of us lie about our ages on online hookup sites.

I know guys who have been 35 for almost a decade. And men who I know are pushing 60 have the nerve to say they are 49.

Part of the reason is the gay world is  obsessed with youth. Some folks really believe you are over the hill at 35.

That is until they get to be 35 themselves and realize it really isn’t that old at all.

My partner “Van” thinks this is silly. Why front? Be honest, he says.

Yet another buddy of mine who is in his mid 50s also puts up his real age and said he has no shortage of folks hitting his sexy chocolate ass up, including alot of 20-somethings who want that Daddy experience.

So yesterday I updated my Adam4Adam profile.

I keep in good shape and try to exercise and eat well. I enjoy life. Im virile. I’m happy and in a good relationship.

So I changed my age from 45 to 51, which is what I really am. And I took a nice new pic.

And I said I was in a relationship but we play.

And I clicked the button and waited. Nervous as hell that my sex appeal has evaporated like water in a tea kettle left on the burner too long because I’m over the big 5-0.

But guess what? My inbox has blown up. Folks are hitting me up right and left. Of all ages.

“Can I get with you and your boi?”

“Is your partner as sexy as you?”

“Hot pics Daddy.”

Wow. Honesty really is the best policy!

I’m a Gemini with Aries rising.

Air and Fire.

Intellect and aggression.

An airhead and bullheaded at the same time.

There are some signs I just click with sexually and others that frustrate me. Here are my favorites:

ARIES: Most Aries were high school or college athletes or they follow sports closely. And they treat sex like a contact sport. They are energetic, creative and always game and ready to go. Aggressive. And like the warrior god Ares who this sign is named after they like to be in control whether top or bottom. I always love playing with Aries and my current partner “Van” is one so he is good to go.

TAURUS: Sensual. Methodical. Attentive. Sex to them is as natural as breathing and that’s how they treat sex. Like something that should be thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated like a gourmet meal and fine wine. My good buddy “Rex” is a Taurus. He taught me the ropes.

LIBRA: Freaks with a heart of gold. Libras live good sex and cherish the connectedness. They will try anything once. No judging. No criticizing. But the the thing that makes them special is you really want to be their friend afterward.

SCORPIO: They are slow to warm but once they do…watch out! Freaky and intense. But also observant of their partners so they know how to turn you out. After sex they may be cool or analytical but it’s worth the romp on bed.

SAGITTARIUS: I would never be in a relationship with one because this sign is notorious for wandering away and losing interest. But the sex is always spirited and robust. How can I explain it? They just love good, bed rocking sex. And they tend to be long-winded. So enjoy the ride with them and never try to tie them down. If they want to come back to you they will.

Q: Readers what is your favorite sign to kick it with?

Photo courtesy of thepaperblogcom.

My buddy “Gus” wears a gold bracelet on his wrist, studded with diamonds.

It looks so fabulous you would think it is fake, but it’s not. It costs a cool $10,000.

Gus is an educated, professional, brown-skinned black Washingtonian around 40 years old but I know he is not making enough bank to drop that much on an accessory.

But over drinks Wednesday night Gus explained that it is a gift from his Saudi Arabian friend “Fadi.”

Gus met Fadi in an innocuous way — they started following each other on Instagram. And soon they started chatting and video calling. And it became clear that Fadi, although he is married with three kids, wanted to find an unclockable gay man to share some time.

That is because Saudi Arabia is fiercely homophobic and follows the ultra-conservative Wahhabi Islam faith. Being gay or a person who is transgender is punishable by death.

Fadi invited Gus over to Saudi, explaining that he would pay for the hotel and all expenses. Gus was nervous — was he going into a set-up? But he decided to go anyway, although he told his sister where he was going and why so she would at least know what became of him if things went sour.

Arab society, despite its homophobia, is very homoerotic. It is not uncommon to see men holding hands and even dancing together. Photo courtesy of thelovelyplanet.net.

Fadi was the consummate gentlemen. He flew Gus over first-class, took him on shopping sprees for designer gear and presented him with a cashier’s check for $10,000 for visiting him. His only requirement was that Gus wear traditional Arab attire and have raw sex with him because he didn’t like condoms.

On the second night Fadi came to Gus’s hotel room to consummate the sexual part of his arrangement.

“The sex was hot,” Gus said. “He ate me out for a long time and his dick was huge.”

Saudi men often greet each other by rubbing noses. Tell me that ain’t gay. Photo courtesy of blogrodrigozsupelveda.com.

On other nights they went socializing and Gus discovered Arab society is a lot more homoerotic than you would believe by reading the headlines. Women are second-class citizens and men do not associate with woman they are not related to.

So men mostly hang around each other. Eating together. Dancing together. Holding hands. And gay life is there but deeply underground. Men meet each other for private parties that sometimes turn into sex parties.

“Fadi took me to one of them but it made me uncomfortable,” Gus said. “I thought maybe the men there thought they were going to gangbang me. But when I told Fadi I wanted to leave he was fine with that and we left.”

Three years later they stay in contact and Fadi has even visited the United States to see his African American boo.

“I’m only telling you this because you don’t judge Immanuel,” he said.

Nope, I’m not mad at him. I’ve heard stranger things in life.

Readers here is an article that ran in The Atlantic back in 2007 about gay life in Saudi Arabia. I was still married to my ex-wife and I can remember buying it and reading it clandestinely and throwing it away as soon as I could. It was really informative and reminded me that the DL lifestyle just does not exist among some Americans. They take it to a whole new level in Saudi Arabia.